Wednesday, February 2, 2011

WOW Wednesdays: Choosing Gender?

Posted by Angie at 7:01 AM
{WOW Wednesdays: AKA Words of Wisdom Wednesdays.  Not a post in which I share my words of wisdom...but ask for yours!}

Ok, today's post is something that the Future Papa and I have been debating, but before that, let me ask...have you entered the giveaway yet?!?!  Winner will be announced this Friday!  I am liking LOVING the responses bouncing around the comment box.  Keep the awesomeness coming!

The title probably gave it away, but the WOW Wednesday post this week has to do with gender.  Depending on the agency we choose, there is the chance that we will have to check a little box.  [warning: generous amounts of stereotyping ahead]  With the swoosh of a pen, I could end up with a future of this...
Or, maybe our pen will slide a touch over to the right and check a different box, resulting in...
Or, of course, the illustrious third choice...which would leave us with a big, fat SURPRISE!
Boy...or girl...or either...which box to check, which path to take....

I begin by thinking  oh dear Future Mama, if you were pregnant, you could not get to choose the gender of our child.  Stop trying to micromanage the process.  Silly girl, it's supposed to be a big surprise!  That's part of the fun of the wait, after all.  Why should this be any different?

But no, I argue with myself, adoptions are different.  They take a lot longer than a traditional pregnancy and are already brimming with surprises (what will my child look like?  when will I get the referral?  when can I travel?  how big will she/he be?)  It would be so comforting to tell myself on tough days that "this is just another step on our journey to a little ___." Plus, then I could go ahead and buy little pink or blue things all along the way!  Oh yeah, this is the answer.  Alriiiiiight!

After thinking that my mind leaps straight to "Ok, so which gender?"  How do we go about that decision without feeling guilty about the gender we don't choose?  Eeek.  This is too big of a decision.  Abandon ship!  Back to option one, this should so be a surprise, duh.

And the circle of self-arguments start again.  Round and round and round.  Poor Future Papa has got to be dizzy.  Every time we think we have a decision, I switch it up again.  And it's a fun decision, to imagine ourselves with a little boy or a little girl!  But it's also one that's important...what we check is going to impact our future...either the certainty of a boy or girl, or the uncertainty of a surprise...

Sooooo.....what are your thoughts?  If you are an adoptive mama, could you pick the gender of your child?  Did you?  Are you happy with your decision? 

Much love,
Future Mama


Meredith on February 2, 2011 at 7:48 AM said...

With our first son we went through a private attorney and never had the option to choose boy or girl.

This time with our agency we had the 'check the box' experience. I desperately wanted to check girl, we have a boy so then we'd have one of both. My husband was against it saying that God will give us the child we're meant to have. After lots of prayer, I agreed and checked the either box. And amazingly I have this huge peace about whether we bring home a boy or a girl. And while I'd love a daughter and know we'll adopt again after this, I'm actually excited to have another son, give Gabe a brother and already have all the stuff! It's amazing the peace God gives you when you follow His whisperings.

I'm not telling you this to tell you to check either. I'm telling you this to pray and follow your heart, and you'll 'know' what to do.

God knows I'd cherish a daughter and I know he'll give me the desires of my heart in his time. And he'll do the same for you!

Colleen said...

How exciting! I hope you have so much fun choosing!:)

Here in Norway you actually aren't allowed to choose so we didn't know last time and we won't this time! I don't mind that.:)

Michele on February 2, 2011 at 8:57 AM said...

I am completely biased as I have four sons. And I love very minute of it. So I will confess that I get a little annoyed at each time I see a family decide against a son. Anyways, here's my unbiased opinion. I do understand your desire to know and plan for a boy or a girl. I found out the sex with 3 of the 4 pregnancies and preferred knowin to not knowing. However, If you choose either and wait for the surprise you will still have months to prepAre for the gender you are matched with. Sad but true. Just my opinion.

Sarah said...

The only way I know is to seek God in prayer. Desperately! He knows what we need. Our agency had a situation where the girls list was SOOO much longer than the boys list, that if you checked "either" it meant you would get a boy. And it forced us to get on our knees before the Lord about our child. He has chosen a specific child, and He knows the gender. And if He leads you to choose a specific gender, there should be no guilt! Whether you know the gender now or later does not negate His choosing! :-)

Chinamommy_04 said...

I adopted from China, I knew I would most likely get a girl, but I did request a girl to make sure! Honestly, I wanted a daughter from China since I was 9 years old! She is now 7-1/2, the BEST thing in my life. I am just NOT a "boy mom"...

Jen said...

Hey, friend! We are not requesting one or the other, BUT, we have two biological kiddos, one of each, so I know that makes it different. A couple of things to think about...if you are looking for a quick referral, not specifing gender and widening your age range are two ways to do that (our agency gave a referral for a 28 month old boy and the family waited FOUR WEEKS!! The average for a wait is WAY several months to over a year!) Also, if you want to specify gender but still want it to go faster, depending on the country, you are more likely to have a quick referral if you specify a boy. Plus, they are WAY less dramatic!;) However, I'll bet you know in your gut which gender is for you and whichever gender God has for your first baby.

Of course, you could request two and go for both!!:)

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