Wednesday, July 11, 2012

It's hard.

Posted by Angie at 7:30 AM
It's so much easier to blog about care packages and nursery updates and matching outfits.  There is so much happiness and hope in adoptions.  But on days like today, in moments like this, the heartache can't help but seep through every now and then.

But the truth is y'all...

...it's hard when a piece of your heart is in an orphanage halfway around the world.

My mother-in-law said a few weeks ago that it's like we're pregnant and the ultrasound pictures are just really, really good.

But it is hard to wait...and wait...without a due date.  

We hope to travel this fall.  But honestly, the difference between August or September or October or November has been weighing heavily on me recently.  

Last weekend I washed every article of baby clothing we have been given.  I folded them in tiny little piles on the bed.  Little piles organized by size.  Little piles of blue resting lightly on a colorful quilt.  The sweet smell of baby detergent floating through the room.  And as I looked at each tiny pile, I wondered which sizes we would be giving away, because my child will be too big by the time I finally meet him.   

It's hard to accept that I will miss (or may have already missed) Levi's first smile.  The first time he sits.  The first time he rolls over.  

And I try to remember that there are families still waiting for a picture of their child.  Families still waiting for first court dates.  Families who have no hope of traveling this fall.  Families still waiting and praying for what we already have.  We are so blessed.

But it's still hard when a piece of your heart is in an orphanage halfway around the world, for an undetermined amount of time.

Beautiful words help, like these beautiful words from a post over at In His Hands:

Maybe there are folks out there who look at me and wonder what it's like to not be able to grow your family when you want to. To need tens and tens of thousands of dollars to do it. To wait and wait and wait without a due date. To grasp a photo in your hand and love a baby born across an ocean. To look into almondy eyes and want to do a backflip because being in love with this kid is the best.thing.evah. To be such a perfectly perfect match must be something. 

If you're wondering, it is. The best kind of something.

And it is the best kind of something.  To feel those feelings of falling in love all over again.  To study Levi's deep brown eyes, little wisps of hair, ten little toes.  We are so blessed.  I'm just ready to be the person holding him.

One of Levi's loving caretakers, who we are so appreciative for.  We know he is in wonderful hands.
Much love,
Blessed Mama

Please join us in praying for our first court appointment, coming up on July 25th!  This isn't a travel date for us, but an important step, so join us in prayers for a smooth appointment and a speedy process from this date forward.     

8 comments:

The Scott Family on July 11, 2012 at 7:56 AM said...

Hello! I love reading your blog because we are also adopting from Taiwan. We received our referral for our little girl in February. You can read about our process on our blog. We hope to travel in the next few weeks to month. I understand completely about the lack of "due date". Very difficult! But totally worth it:).

Katie said...

It is hard! Now that the post referral busyness is letting up, I'm definitely starting to feel it. :( I hope your court date goes well and you get to travel in early fall. :)

Robin Pelletier said...

Every part of the adoption process is hard.  I think it is harder too when it hits you unexpectedly.  The wait to referral is so tough and then you finally see your baby's face and fall in love.  People think that it gets easier at this point but  only in some ways.  THe unknown time frame is very unnerving and the longer it goes on, the closer you get, the harder it gets.  I remember feeling this way waiting for my daughter Lauren to come home.  Wishing you busy days and a speedy court process.

Future Mama on July 11, 2012 at 10:04 AM said...

Thanks Robin!  I was incredibly busy last month, traveling and with work, and this month has slowed down so much.  I think you are exactly right...I need to keep busy!! :-)

Future Mama on July 11, 2012 at 10:04 AM said...

 Thanks Katie!!  I know you have an even longer wait to travel than we likely will :-(  I'm praying for you friend!!

jgerics said...

We are waiting too, waiting to be matched with a baby/toddler aged child from the US...It's so hard walking by the "nursery" every day and being reminded that I do not know the day it will be filled. I am a planner and so badly want to buy clothes or even know if we will be getting a boy or girl...the wait is getting to me. The only comfort I have found is in praying for my child, knowing that God has called us to this and will be faithful to His promise. Praying for you too!

Kate on July 11, 2012 at 11:47 PM said...

We're all in this together.  Love you, friend.

Andrea Cain on July 20, 2012 at 4:21 PM said...

Hey! Its Andrea(Megs friend). I just found you blog today and have been so moved by your posts. I feel particularly moved to reply to this post. I can't even begin to imagine what you and "Papa" are going through. But I feel like I need to say: although you won't be there for his first ever smile and his first ever time sitting up. But when you see him smile for the first time it will be his first. His first time with you, his Mom. And the same for all the other firsts. I pray that when you hold him and he smiles at you for the very first time all this pain you are feeling now is instantly washed away. I pray for the three of you to.be together soon and that everything goes smoothly. Much love to all three of you!!

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