Monday, April 16, 2012

Scorpions

Posted by Angie at 7:23 AM
NOTE: This post was actually written about 8 months ago.  After hearing that I planned to share this story publicly, my mother forbade me from posting it, for fear that our social worker would refuse to come to our house.  Now that it has been 8 months, with no more sightings, I think we are safe... 

Did you click on this post thinking that I had some clever analogy about how adoption stings like a scorpion?  Or perhaps you thought that I found something really cute on pinterest about these little critters?

Sorry to disappoint.

But no.

This post is literally about scorpions.

Squeamish readers, click away.  Future Mama, aka Bug Warrior, is scared. Real scared.


I read a blog post a month or so ago about Christian families whose worlds' fell apart as soon as they began their adoption process--cars breaking down, expensive home repairs, unexpected medical bills, etc.  I remember finishing the post and seeing dozens of comments from adopting families saying that similar things happened in their lives.  I said a silent prayer of gratitude that we had yet to be attacked in such a way. I wish I had a post to link too--I feel like one of you mentioned the post in one of your blog posts--anyone remember?

Well.  We under attack. By scorpions.  Lord help me!

Let me remind you, I live in the South.  Not the West.  Not even the Southwest.  We are as South as South can be and have the grits-cookin' skills to prove it.  And in all my years, I have never seen a scorpion.  I think we all know where this story is going.

It all began a couple of weeks ago when darling Future Papa had his own first scorpion sighting.  While cleaning up (what a good husband I have), he picked up a shirt off our stairs and a scorpion fell out.  I'm sure he screamed like a little girl promptly removed the critter without even flinching.  Ha.  Anyway, I was not home, so I did not get to witness the adventure.  We scrubbed the house that weekend and deemed the castle protected.

Fast-forward.  This weekend, Future Papa and I are on watching the pilot episode of Up all Night (a bit crass, but funny look into our future).  The lights are off.  Our sweet puppy slept peacefully at our feet.  By the flickering light of the laptop, I see something creeping across our rug.  What in the...

"SCORPION!!!!" 

"SCORPION-SCORPION-SCORPION-SCORPION-SCORPION-SCORPION!"

I'm standing on the couch before I realize it.  Yelling.  The dog jumps on the couch to join the fun (worthless protection).  Future Papa is flipping out too, up on the couch, not sure were it is.  Am I screaming because it is across the room?  Or am I screaming because it is up his leg?

"Where?!  Where where?!  TURN ON THE LIGHT!" he yelled.

I, of course, am still in my squealing frenzy.  Looking at this.

{source}
Y'all, this wasn't no little scorpion.  It was at least two inches.  Future Papa, who had to battle the beast, claims it was at least three.  It was not on rocky soil, like above.  It was on MY rug, in MY house! AH!

I run to the kitchen.  The dog follows me happily (again, he is so worthless).  Future Papa took care of things with an extra large shoe.  The cat rubbed against my leg.  I jumped 27 feet in the air.

Next, I did what any certifiably-insane person would do.  I looked up scorpions online.  Did you know they can live months without food?  Did you know they give birth to approximately 30 live baby scorpions at a time?  Did you know they are nocturnal?  Sweet dreams, all!

According to Orkin.com "scorpions can adapt to just about any habitat. They usually make their homes in earthy areas where they find dark places to hide."  Lovely, just lovely.  Let's continue, shall we?  "The problem with having scorpions in a house, especially if scorpions have established themselves and multiplied, is that it isn't easy to get rid of them. The best way to keep a house scorpion-free is to take prevention before hand." Great.  What does 2 scorpions, in a spotlessly clean house, in one month, mean?

So, I then immediately e-mailed our landlord a long and detailed version of our trials.  She responded in two sentences--pest control is the tenant's problem.

We are preparing for battle.  Future Mama vs. Scorpion(s).  The story of the year.  Coming soon to a computer near you.  But hopefully not too soon.

Much love,
Future Mama 

**UPDATE:  We are 8 months without another scorpion sighting.  Knock on wood!!

3 comments:

Brooke said...

AHHHH! I would have freaked out and showered like 100 times! AHHHHHHH!!!!! I am freaking out all the way here in VA 8 months later! EWWWWWW!

Brooke
www.MarvelousLoveBlog.com

Katie said...

Lol! We live in the southwest where scorpion sightings are normal and since moving here almost 4 years ago, I have still not seen a live scorpion. (just wait, I will probably see one this week) I've heard that the best way to get rid of them is to make sure their prey aren't in your house. (cockroaches, etc.) Glad you haven't see more!

IsassSara said...

Oh cheese and crackers! I would DIE, if I saw one. In my house. Die! I've seen too many Indiana Jones movies! Plus I live in Minnesota, so if I ever saw one in my house I would think the world was ending with plagues! LOL. praise Jesus you haven't seen one since!

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