"So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do."
~Dead Poets Society (1989)
Words have great power. The power to hurt. The power to inspire.
The power to change.
Many of you witnessed the explosion of comments on the Better After blog post (the post has since been deleted by the blog author). For those of you who missed it, the post shared both our adoption story and our Twenty for Taiwan campaign. As a design blog, a wide variety of people shared their thoughts on adoption. I wish I could say that only the positive ones brought me to tears, but I can't. I'm human. We all are. But what I want to talk about here is the love, hope, and support in the adoption world.
This post is geared towards my fellow adopting mamas.
We all go through highs and lows. That is why this journey is often referred to as a roller coaster. Today I want to share some words of encouragement. These are words shared to me, but I feel like they are applicable to all of us, especially those adopting internationally. The happy tears brought on my these messages washed away all the negative tears I cried. Hopefully they will provide you all hope as well when you need it most. And for those of you who have been commenting, e-mailing, and messaging me, thank you. I am so blessed by you all.
- I saw that you are looking to adopt, and I think that is absolutely wonderful. I was adopted into a Southern family too, and I believe it saved my life. I wasn't in danger before I was given away, but I am glad my birth mother realized that she could not give me the life that someone else could give. I am so thankful every time I see loving parents who are excited, eager and hopeful to take in a child that is not their own blood. I have not met my birth parents, but the people who I consider my parents are the ones who met me when I was ten days old. I know that you received a great deal of negativity from people who read the blog, and I hope you are able to stand firm in your decision. I am so thankful that you are able to see past a "brand" of child, and see a person, a child who needs to "eat their veggies" as you said on your blog. Open hearts are always gifts from God. I pray that you and your husband are fortunate and blessed with a beautiful child. Without people like you, there wouldn't be people like me. We need you!!!
- A friend told me this once and it's always stuck with me. Imagine your in a crowded room, an your going to get your child. Your there in Taiwan, at the nursery, all these people...friends, family, strangers, and everyone is talking and trying to tell you something. "This is wrong" "Too much money" "You should have your own" "What about foster care?" "Don't you love your husband enough to make a baby with him?" "Fundraising? For a child?" "You can still back out" WHATEVER! But they are all just STATIC! Because on the other side of the room is your child...the little one God chose for you, that you've been waiting for. So you walk through the mess...you walk through the pain, the hurt, the obstacles...and you take that baby in your arms. Any time you get discouraged, or feel sad...just envision that...envision going through the mess...and getting your child!
- I personally have known seven families that have journeyed through (or are journeying through) adoption, both domestic and international. Only ONE of those families was affluent to begin with. The rest of them needed help through donations and fundraisers, family members and church members. And I'm pretty sure NONE of the people that donated to their cause has had a moment of regret about it, especially after seeing how adoption transforms peoples lives and makes a family...I'd venture to guess that the complainers have never known what it's like to be a part of the family of God, where we are encouraged...
- I just wanted to encourage you today. Please don't let the uneducated comments of others get you down. My husband and I are in the process of adopting 2 children from the Congo, and yes it is very expensive. Like most adoptive parents we are doing what we can to fund this ourselves, but we feel an urgency to help these children. It is incredulous that many said wait until you can afford it. Every day I wait another child goes hungry or is abused or dies. How can we possibly wait. If God has called you to this journey He will see you through to the end. I will pray for you and your child to be. God bless. And to think, this is just a sampling of the messages I received over the past few days. God bless you all.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Gal. 6:9