It was dusk. I walked to the kitchen window and saw the sun just setting and the world filling with shadows. I'm a bit hungry, I thought, as I walked over to the fridge. Ah, leftover shrimp fried rice. My stomach gurgled happily in agreement. Walking back to the sink to wash my hands, I turned on the faucet with one hand underneath.
AND A BUG FELL IN MY HANDS!!!!!
I about died. Before you start doubting my cleanliness, perhaps I should mention that I am currently not in my house, but am traveling for work. The house I am staying in is over 200 years old, historic, beautiful, but about the scariest place you can spend the night. Lace curtains on the windows turn to ghosts and creaky floorboards into the moans of ghouls. Did I mention I am staying here by myself? Ah yes, fun. But this haunted house is a story for another day. I digress.
The bug fell in my hand. I looked down. I screamed and threw it in the sink basin. I ran around the kitchen flailing my hands. I breathed loudly. Chills ran up and down my spine. Finally regaining some composure, I grabbed about 20 paper towels. I placed them over the bug, wadded it up, and threw it in the trash. Was it squished? Probably not. Let's all pray it doesn't crawl back out.
How did this happen to me? I used to be great with bugs. It came with the territory of being the big sister to two younger brothers. Ah, but then I got married. And when you are married to Future Papa, you no longer have to kill bugs. You just have to yell a name and run away.
What kind of bug attacked me? I have no idea. Well, it wasn't a roach like we have in the South, or I probably would not be alive to tell you the tale. It was a round bug. It was bigger than a quarter. It was gross.
All that matters is that we met for battle and I emerged victorious. Give me a badge and call me ready to adopt. I can now protect a child from non-roach bugs the size of a quarter. You may henceforth refer to me as Future Mama, Bug Warrior.
P.S. Do not type "scary bug" into google images when trying to find a picture for a blog post. Now, in addition to the ghosts, I have a whole other slew of critters to haunt my dreams.